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The swimming pool has been closed for a couple weeks now and I'm really feeling it. I miss swimming so much and I wish there was some way I could keep going each morning.

We are just 20 some days until we leave for our trip.

Busy

Even though it's crazy busy I wanted to take a moment and write it all out so I don't forget. Swimming is going great. Every morning I wake up on my own and get out to the pool. I swim until I'm feeling it and then come back to the house and try to get dress and up and at em without waking up the entire family.

Last week I hosted fashion camp for my girls and two other girls. It was so much fun. By the end of the week the girls were sewing champs.

Yesterday I made flavored butter, roasted tomato soup, and freezer corn.

Then I got to go to moms house to play on her new embroidery machine. It could be the coolest machine e.v.e.r.

Today Im putting together the girls 2013 reviews to drop off in the morning so I can send their letter to the school system about homeschooling another year.


Busy but life is wonderful right now.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

I did it! This morning I swam from deep end to shallow without stopping. Its taken all summer, its something I use to do without blinking.... but I can not explain how amazing it feels that I can do it again.

Also my new pants that I bought for my anniversary party. Too big. So I put on my old size 14- the ones without the comfy elastic waist- they are tight. So I was pretty confused but realized how much that elastic makes a difference. So I'm not going to get bummed with myself. Im going to keep working hard and hope to see more changes.

My fear is that this is my last month with the pool. Today is the first day of August and that means in 1 month and a week the pool will be closed. I have to find something else to keep doing every morning.

Today Ry and I celebrate 10 years of marriage. :)

Cold

So its mid July and I woke up ready to swim. But to my surprise I go outside and I'm shivering. Its cold! I walk up to the pool get waist deep in the water and decide its just too cold. I don't want my legs to cramp today, I have to much to do.

Yesterday my parents watched the kids for us so we could have a quick date night at the golf course. It was a lot of fun. We aren't golfers by any means but since it was just the two of us there wasn't any pressure and it was just fun.

I keep getting all this awesome info in the mail for our trip. We are going to sit down and go through it and start planning more details.

My mom and Sue have offered me their bikes so now I just need to pick one and get a baby seat. I bought new shoes the other day and I feel like all that's really left is a new camera to take some amazing pictures... but again if I don't have it mine will do for the trip.

Today I'm heading down to keep working on my craft room.

this is my oh hell yes right down the middle and close to the green dance :)

Grief

Not to long ago I lost my Grandpa Yuncker. He was a good man. I miss him so much and thinking of him still brings swells of tears to my eyes. After his loss my husbands grandparents bought his house. At the time I was furious. I didn't want to go back to his house. I don't want to walk in and have ghosts and memories follow me. I care deeply about his grandparents but I just couldn't bring myself to go see them once they moved in.

The other day we were sitting on the porch and my mom and dad made a comment about the kind of people my grandpa and grandma Yuncker were. They had every reason, thousands of excuses, to throw their hands up and say screw all of you. They could have closed up their hearts and home and maybe even been better for it. But they didn't. They lived lives of giving. They opened their hearts, their family, their home.

It made me realize Grandpa would be happy knowing his home is with a couple who appreciate it and needed it- and that its in Ryans family. They liked connections. Its time for me to stop worrying about the ghosts, if any ghosts whose better then Grandpas.

After my visit last week with Grandma Bonnie my heart hurt. I've been about an hour away from their for several years and not made the time to be there for Grandpa or Grandma. I have children, and my own family, and a business, and my midwifery- every excuse... but its time to make time.

Between Ryan and myself we have a great group of grandparents. Its time to make time, to share dinner and stories, visiting and giving to them what they gave to us as children.

So dinner tonight at Mawmas & Pawpas, and the Yuncker ghosts. A beef roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, homemade bread with homemade black raspberry jelly, and corn from the farm.

Hard Days

I have had a couple of long hard days since my last post. Hubby was nice enough to share a summer flu with me and it wiped me out for 3 long days. I got to the point where I was positive I was dying and not going to see outside the bathroom walls ever again. Then the day I start to feel hope my two big girls start puking within an hour of each other. Did I mention it was fourth of July weekend? Only one of our busiest weekends of the season. Plus we managed to share our germs with the staff so I got to cover for them being sick. By Sunday night I was totally exhausted.

Today was my first day back in the pool and I didn't last long but I could feel the stress floating away with each lap I took.

Yesterday I ran around all morning getting little things done then came home to work outside. I ripped out a bush, helped dig up a busted water drain, and then started chopping wood. I was so excited to be splitting wood. To me it symbolizes that winter is coming. We are getting ready to heat our home, preparing for a few months off work. I love the feeling of looking in out wood box and seeing it full. This season we plan on filling 2 wood boxes, considering our 1 is totally empty and we ran out last winter. With the price of propane the last thing we want is to run out again this year.

I also went to visit my Grandma. It was a good visit and now that I know how easy of a drive it is and how not really that far they both are I plan on visiting more.

Yesterday in the mail the California Vacation Planner arrived. After I get some work done I plan on going through it to start mapping out some fun places to stop on our trip. I think we are down to like 14 weeks until we leave!

Discovered

Yesterday I was discovered. I walked out and there is S sitting on the couch wide eyed-
Mom what are you doing? Are you going swimming?! Can I come.
SHHHHHHH don't wake up your sisters. Fine get your suit and lets go.
Then of course I get the million questions... which I'm going to be honest here and say I wasn't honest with her about how often I wake up early and go. Because I know my daughter if she knew I woke up and swam in the mornings she would be up at 3 am to make sure she could come with. And selfishly I enjoy the me time. It was fun swimming with her but without her I feel my batteries charging.

Today I swam hard I'm making it a little farther each time and its feels great. Not noticeable with my pant size but I'm fully aware I'm wanting fast results from something that took years to do.

Yesterday I talked with mom about Grandma and I found myself sobbing and heartbroken. Alzheimer's sucks.

On a happier note what do you think of this dress? I found it and was like ohhh that has all my favorites- the color, the length, sleeves, and a little bit of lace. But I am nervous about the waist... that's my worst area and that belt will draw the eye? Thoughts on back yard summer anniversary party? To fancy? Stick with jeans? I just don't know.

A difference

I know its been 10 years of putting it on... babies.. drinking... eating... zero time for work outs- hell just showering some days was my accomplishment. I put them first. Hubby and kids come first. But now that I'm swimming Im really hoping to see a change in my body. In my mind I'm still a skinny person who has put on a little weight. Then I see myself in a pic or my reflection and its stops me cold. Whoa. But honestly I swim hard, and see an imporment every day- so I'm hoping I see my legs start toning up, and my pants to start to not fit.... I guess even if they don't I'm going to keep swimming. I feel so much better all day long when I swim in the morning.

Trying to plan our trip, plan fashion camp for Sophie, our anniversary party, and still do all that it is we do every day. I cant decide if I want to get a dress for our party or just an awesome outfit... here are my choices:

I know I know- this is beautiful because its a size 0...and its not going to look the same on me... who is most deff not a size zero. But Its so beautiful and simple. For a back yard anniversary party I think it would be perfect...

This I feel like with a good pair of jeans is dressy and breezy and beautiful. I feel like Id be less self conscious in it too. But I'm tired of always wearing black and white... I wanted some color in my life... if it came in yellow Id be all over it.

I want to be the woman who wears this dress. I wish I had the confidence and body for it. I wish I could try it on and know one way or the other. 

I like this, but feel like its not enough. Maybe with a darker jean... its the right sleeve length, the shirt color is beautiful. But I keep thinking its an every day outfit not this is us celebrating 10 years of marriage outfit.



10 years ago....

6 AM

Okay brain/body. I get that I'm feeling better and doing more by waking up and swimming BUT do I really need to be waking up at 6 now? Hell I didn't even know the sun came up this early. Hubby was sick all night long so I was up listening to him violently throwing up in the bathroom for a good portion of the night. I hate when he or my kiddos are sick. Maybe all this waking up and swimming will be good for me and help me get out of the XL clothes and back into a L? Fingers crossed.

I'm feeling a strong want to share about why the Redwood forest for our trip this time. Its all about the trees. I saw that classic picture when I was younger... maybe a teen?.... with the car that is driving through a tree so big a freaking car can go through it.

That was all it took. I want to go there. I want to look up and not see the tops of trees. I want to hug a tree that my entire family cant hold arms and hug. Plus its a cross country road trip. Im hoping to see the forest, spend a few days there, then go to the beach, take the girls horseback riding, visit a few musems, and take some pictures of us as a family and of me and the hubs since this is to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. 14 years together and 10 of those are married.

Okay I'm sure it wont be much longer before the kids wake up and I have stuff I want to get done. More later.

Swimming & Breathing

I've been waking up early the last week. Pulling C off my chest and sneaking quietly into the bathroom so Daddy and baby will stay asleep. My swimsuit is hanging I throw it on, my hair up and I'm out the door to the pool.
The first day the water was cold and I questioned what I was thinking. Sleep is valuable right now. With three girls and one of them waking me up to eat through out the night its not like I'm fully rested- nor have I ever been a morning person. Seriously ask my mom- we have a rule. Not an unspoken rule, because this has been said out loud very clearly. Do NOT wake me up before 8 and its before 9 it better be pretty damn important.
Anyways. On my own I wake up from the 6 30 feeding and lay still for a few minutes and then every day I've decided to get up and go swimming.
Not only am I feeling better but I'm getting so much more done. I'm back before anyone else is awake. I'm showered, making breakfast before I see sleepy L climbing up the stairs. Today I managed to get laundry going, update the game night crew, shower, eat, and clean the kitchen.
Water does something for me. Swimming does something for me. Who needs coffee when you can wake up from a hard swim.
I also decided its time to start coming up with some fundraising options for our big trip. I have to make it there. Everything in me is screaming that this is our chance - don't let it slip between the cracks.
Maybe I can raffle off a weekend at Kahalri?