Grief

Not to long ago I lost my Grandpa Yuncker. He was a good man. I miss him so much and thinking of him still brings swells of tears to my eyes. After his loss my husbands grandparents bought his house. At the time I was furious. I didn't want to go back to his house. I don't want to walk in and have ghosts and memories follow me. I care deeply about his grandparents but I just couldn't bring myself to go see them once they moved in.

The other day we were sitting on the porch and my mom and dad made a comment about the kind of people my grandpa and grandma Yuncker were. They had every reason, thousands of excuses, to throw their hands up and say screw all of you. They could have closed up their hearts and home and maybe even been better for it. But they didn't. They lived lives of giving. They opened their hearts, their family, their home.

It made me realize Grandpa would be happy knowing his home is with a couple who appreciate it and needed it- and that its in Ryans family. They liked connections. Its time for me to stop worrying about the ghosts, if any ghosts whose better then Grandpas.

After my visit last week with Grandma Bonnie my heart hurt. I've been about an hour away from their for several years and not made the time to be there for Grandpa or Grandma. I have children, and my own family, and a business, and my midwifery- every excuse... but its time to make time.

Between Ryan and myself we have a great group of grandparents. Its time to make time, to share dinner and stories, visiting and giving to them what they gave to us as children.

So dinner tonight at Mawmas & Pawpas, and the Yuncker ghosts. A beef roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, homemade bread with homemade black raspberry jelly, and corn from the farm.