My friend Earleen surprised me with a beautiful painted pumpkin.
Then my friend Cayleb painted an awesome Ohio State pumpkin with his daughter.
I love pumpkins and carving but I found my inspiration to paint a pumpkin because of my friends.
This morning I woke up and found myself missing my Grandma Bonnie. She passed away just a few months ago and there are still waves of sadness that rush over me.
Alzheimers took her from us. From playing on the floor with my kids, from stroking my hair, shopping at dots, or long meals with great conversation.
One of my last visits with Grandma was a good day, she ate, she smiled, there wasn't overwhelming fear or confusion. There was hand holding, and we talked, she held her baby and stared at my large tummy full of baby, and lots of eye contact. You could stare in her eyes and see she was there, she was Grandma just trapped in the disease.
Her nursing home had a nice staff and several strong compassionate nuns. And Grandma lit up when the nuns came in the room. As we were having this good day visit a nun came in and a good visit turned into a great visit.
You can be angry at the disease, at the helplessness, at the slow day to day nightmare that it is to have a person you live not remember who you are. But nothing shows that God is still in your corner like a Nun walking up to your love one and embracing them, kissing them, talking to them. It's a peace that fills the pain.
When we were sitting next to her and saying goodbyes and Sister walked in and was there for her and for Grandpa it was faith made visible. It is His love and strength in this Sister and it made death not so horrible. I found myself knowing that Grandma was on her way to healing and being in a place that is so much better then staying with us on Earth.
So this morning I spent remembering Grandma. Grandma from when I was little and when I was a teen, and Grandma as I knew her as a woman. The tears flowed and it's okay. I love her and I know someday I will see her again.
My pumpkin that I painted is for Grandma Bonnie Lee. I love you and miss you so much.
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